i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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