Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you had me at cake vodka
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
