dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
