dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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