what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
