: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
