I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
