After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
