We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
