oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
