peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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