Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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