the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
