i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
