bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
