halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
