he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
