The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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