Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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