I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
