1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sext me about skeletons
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize