You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
