please come you make the beer taste better
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
