I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
