you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
