I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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