I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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