I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
