I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize