Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
