i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
