Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
