OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize