It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
