I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
