Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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