It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize