I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
