Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
