no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
