Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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