I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
