nut hugger
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
