Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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