went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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