Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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