You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
