My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel great
I just peed on a car
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
