i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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