u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
