I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
