turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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