so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
