He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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