Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
