she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What changed your mind?
Being sober
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize