Little spoons don't ask big questions
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
