i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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