After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize