i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
