party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
