doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
