covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
