we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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