Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
