forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
