Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just tell him i said nine months
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
