Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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