shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
