Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
