just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize