she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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