you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize