They should really pass out barf bags in church
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wear drunk well.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
