I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
