so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
