this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you will always have a special place in my vag
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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