From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
