im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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