I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
