Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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