i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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