We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
