Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
