It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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