Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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