we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
