I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
