Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
