dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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