I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
