then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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